Topic 1: Sensory Detail

Most people use description without being consciously aware of it. You describe people, places, and things on a regular basis. Think about what you do when you give directions to a friend who is traveling to unfamiliar territory. Your job is to show them the way by using descriptive guideposts. You start by relating features of buildings, roads, mailboxes, and other distinctive landmarks, and you work to make sure your information unfolds in a step-by-step manner so your friend reaches her destination, and isn't left circling in the desert.

In writing, description is essential to successful reader engagement. Writers want readers to immerse themselves purposely in the scenes they create, so they focus on sensory detail: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Without sharp, concise details as guideposts, readers may experience confusion or, worse, boredom. Take a look at the following excerpt from the sample essay "America’s Pastime" from your textbook Writing for Success.

First, the entrance turnstiles click and clank, and then a hallway of noise bombards me. All the fans voices coalesce in a chorus of sound, rising to a humming clamor. The occasional, “Programs, get your programs, here!” jumps out through the hum to get my attention. I navigate my way through the crowded walkways of the stadium, moving to the right of some people, to the left of others, and I eventually find the section number where my seat is located. As I approach my seat I hear the announcer’s voice echo around the ball park, “Attention fans. In honor of our country, please remove your caps for the singing of the national anthem.” His deep voice echoes around each angle of the park, and every word is heard again and again. The crowd sings and hums “The Star-Spangled Banner,” and I feel a surprising amount of national pride through the voices. I take my seat as the umpire shouts, “Play ball!” and the game begins.

Throughout this excerpt, the writer focuses primarily on sight and sound imagery to relate the experience of attending a baseball game. Throughout the paragraph, the writer engages the reader by employing action verbs and by making the subjects of each sentence perform!

Now, imagine if the paragraph were written this way:

I went in the building. It was loud and crowded. We sang the national anthem. The game began.

The situations are the same, but one breathes life into the situation while the other communicates minimal information and lacks vitality. Consider "I Made Tea" below, an interactive text by Joe Davis. Click on any of the highlighted words to get a sense of how description expands and enlivens written work. Simply reload the web page to interact with the text again.

If you want to practice writing your own telescopic descriptions, visit the Write page at Telescopic Text. Note that you cannot use the Internet Explorer web browser to do this, however. You will need to download, install, and browse this page with another web browser, such as Safari 3+, Firefox 3+, Chrome, or Opera 9+.

Obviously, you can explore description in a variety of ways, but pay close attention to sensory details and spatial order and note how descriptive writing can dovetail with narration. There are differences between telling someone what happened and showing someone what happened, but the two modes are often intertwined.

Assignments

Read the section on Description in Chapter 10 of "Writing for Success." Review Chapter 10: Rhetorical Modes, and read 10.3: Description. Familiarize yourself with the following terms: sensory details and spatial order.
Experiment with the telescopic text sample above, "I made tea."
Complete a discussion post. Use the telescopic writing tool at telescopictext.org to brainstorm your Descriptive Essay Draft. (See Topic 3: Writing Exercises for the full assignment.) Start with the sentence "I went to [???]." Then spend 15 to 20 minutes expanding your description. What do you see (remember to show your readers, don’t tell them)? What do you hear (show, don’t tell)? What do you smell (show, don’t tell)? What can you taste (show, don’t tell)? When you have completed your description, "unfold" the text, then cut and paste the results of your experiment with the tool and post to the discussion forum. Respond to one of your peers’ posts. Address the sensory details included in the freewrite and offer any suggestions on how to develop the paragraph into an essay. (Note that you cannot use the Internet Explorer web browser to do this, however. You will need to download, install, and browse this page with another web browser, such as Safari 3+, Firefox 3+, Chrome, or Opera 9+.